Intention

And so with my curiosity came a changed world.

I hardly know if I should run away from it, or stand up,
greet it and embrace it. But change my whole world?

Amazing how one simple act can alter one’s entire perspective, indeed
one’s entire existence. Should I stop others from joining my fate or is it
too late for that? Has my single act of curiosity damned us all to a new
life? Does it matter if others follow my example? Will they be saved if
I can prevent them from joining me? Or has my act of disobedience
become a blanket for all humanity robbing them of their
innocence?

Can I and the others be redeemed if I can prevent their disobedience?
Is that a decision I can make for others?
I made the decision to eat the fruit knowing the consequences of
my actions. Knowing, and yet not believing it could be true.
And yet, I like knowing. I feel empowered.

Alive.

Refreshed.

Anxious.

Guilty

Torn.

Optimistic.

Powerful.

My curiosity, is it such a terrible thing?

Without it what is our motivation? What would we do with ourselves?
What purpose…….

I am afraid.

A fear so deep, so palpable. Of what? The unknown, the unseen or what I
now know, what I now see. Moments of absolute clarity flood in and out of
my soul.

I see it all.

I know everything I need to and yet l have so much to learn. The air fills
my lungs in a different way now. I feel my heart beating. I feel it pound in
my head. The knowledge fills me up and packs itself into every part of
me. I know I did the right thing. Still unaware of the price I must pay but
knowing it may be my life. My idyllic life …. here ….. as I anticipate my
new life …. separate and alone. Yet fuller, more challenging. Deeper
sorrow, intense grief, immense joy. Share this knowledge? I must.

I am nearly bursting at the seams I think . . .

. . .
. . I think . .

I feel.

I create.

I love.

Curiosity changes the world.

-© Marijo Swick 1997