Clarity
You’ve no idea how
rare, how exquisite it is to have
moments of absolute
clarity when you’re
so often entertaining at
least a half a dozen
at a time in your head.
When you can float out
above your skin, when you
Can absorb the stillness
of the night. The silence
is so loud you can
only breathe it in
and pray it lasts.
And you reach out in
the thick of it and
smell it decending upon you
And you thank God for
this moment.
Depression
I awake to find depression has settled in on me
That gray thick cloud that pins me to my bed.
Leaving me immobile.
I think about getting up to work.
I cannot move.
Every lead pipe limb remains still.
My head, soft and spongey, thick and heavy.
Finally, nature forces me up and down the hall.
I can make it back to the couch before I collapse.
Tired, . . . . oh so tired
Food, oh who cares when I can just sit and stare.
Slowly, I try to get up and dressed.
But that too drains my energy.
The weight of my body seems unbearable.
My heart most of all
I can’t even cry
Can’t bother to expend the energy
All seems without merit without hope.
Even the air is thick
The effort required to get a drink.
Thoughts of death, thoughts of relief
Knowing I won’t, but still every time this haze settles in these thoughts return
I go back to bed, hoping to start the day better in an hour or two
When I awake I find nothing has changed
Nothing will change unless I change it.
But that will not happen today.
Today I remain pinned to the bed.
My heart, my soul
speak volumes to me everyday
but do I listen to what they have to say.
My heart, my soul
shout from the rooftops
dance wildly in the street and enjoy all they meet.
My heart, my soul
do things I cannot do
they force me out into the world.
My heart, my soul
go blindly on
forgive and forget, let me carry on.
My heart, my soul
know no limits, know no bounds
my mind and body follow, tied to the ground.
My heart, my soul
know how to fly
wish I would listen, wish I would try.